Well, I’m 26.

Crazyy.

Which is funny because I swear I was just 21. I’m not sure when the last five years decided to go by so quickly, but here we are.

I remember thinking 26 sounded so grown. I assumed I’d have everything figured out by now. I’d know exactly what I wanted, where I was going, and probably have a very organized plan for the next five years of my life.

That’s funny.

I have plans, of course. I have things I want to do, places I want to see, and goals I’m working toward. I also have days when I can’t decide what I want for dinner, so I think it’s safe to say I’m still figuring a few things out.

One thing I can say, though, is that I really like who I’m becoming.

I like getting to know myself better. I like that my interests have changed, that I’m more comfortable with certain things, and that I’m learning what actually matters to me.

I’m not sitting here wishing I could go back and do everything differently. Sure, there are things I’d change if I had the chance, but I also know that every version of me had something to do with getting me here.

I think that’s worth appreciating.

Birthdays have a way of making you look back, even when you’re not necessarily trying to. You start thinking about the things you used to worry about, the people you used to know, and the plans you were so sure would work out.

Sometimes I wonder what my younger self would think if she could see me now.

I think she’d have a lot of questions.

Some I’d be excited to answer. Others I’d probably laugh about because, girl, you have no idea.

To my younger self,

You don’t need to have everything figured out.

I know you want to know exactly how things are going to turn out.

You want to know whether you’re making the right decisions, whether certain people will stay in your life, and whether everything you’re working toward is actually going to happen.

I wish I could give you all those answers, but I still don’t have them myself.

What I can tell you is that you’re going to change your mind about a lot of things.

Some of the things you want right now won’t matter nearly as much in a few years. Other things you haven’t even thought about yet will become some of your favorite parts of life.

You’ll make plans that don’t work out. You’ll make new ones. You’ll end up in places you never expected and realize that maybe you like them more than what you originally had in mind.

You don’t have to know exactly where you’re going to enjoy where you are.

Stop worrying so much about what everyone else is doing.

I think it’s easy to look around and feel like everyone is moving at a different pace.

Someone’s getting married. Someone’s buying a house. Someone’s having a baby. Someone else is traveling the world.

Meanwhile, you’re wondering whether you should’ve started doing something differently three years ago.

It’s exhausting.

I wish you’d understood sooner that you can be happy for other people without using their lives as a reason to question your own.

You don’t need to rush into something just because someone else is already there.

There are things I want for myself that haven’t happened yet, and that’s okay. I’m not going to spend my twenties being disappointed about everything that hasn’t happened while ignoring everything that has.

Stop worrying about what people might think of you.

Seriously, you’re going to save yourself so much unnecessary stress.

I wish you’d spent less time wondering how other people perceived you and more time doing the things you actually wanted to do.

Not everyone is going to like you. Not everyone is going to understand your decisions, your personality, or the way you choose to live your life.

That’s fine.

You don’t have to explain every decision or make yourself more agreeable just because you’re worried someone might have something to say.

People are going to have opinions regardless.

I think the older I get, the more I realize how silly it is to let someone else’s possible opinion stop me from enjoying something.

Especially when half the time, nobody is even thinking about it as much as I am.

I want to get better at doing things because they make me happy, not because I think they’ll make sense to everyone else.

You can change your mind.

About people, places, plans, and even the person you thought you’d become.

I think younger me had a pretty specific idea of what life was supposed to look like.

Some of those things still sound nice. Others don’t interest me nearly as much anymore.

That’s one of the things I actually like about getting older.

I’m becoming more comfortable admitting when something isn’t for me.

I don’t need to convince myself to like something because I used to want it. I don’t need to keep doing things just because I’ve always done them.

Sometimes you learn more about yourself and realize you want something different.

That’s allowed.

Not everyone is going to stay, and that’s okay too.

This one would’ve been difficult for younger me to understand.

There are people who were such a big part of my life at one point that it’s strange to think we don’t talk anymore.

Some friendships naturally faded. Some relationships ended. Some people I thought I’d always know became people I only hear about occasionally.

I don’t think every ending has to be a terrible thing, though.

You can have good memories with someone and still recognize that your lives have gone in different directions.

You can miss a person without wanting the relationship back.

You can appreciate who someone was to you without needing them to be part of your life forever.

I think getting older has made me more comfortable with that.

Not every person is meant to be in every chapter.

Enjoy the little things. Seriously.

I think younger me would be surprised by how much I enjoy the ordinary parts of life now.

A clean house. Fresh flowers. A really good book. Making dinner and having it turn out exactly how I wanted. Finding a new favorite lip gloss. Having a whole afternoon with absolutely nothing I need to do.

I still love going out, getting dressed up, traveling, and having exciting things to look forward to.

I just don’t think every day needs to be exciting anymore.

Sometimes having a good day means getting everything done, making something good to eat, and spending the evening at home.

Preferably without someone putting dishes in the sink I just cleaned.

I have my limits, lol.

I wish I’d appreciated more of those little moments when I was younger instead of always waiting for the next big thing.

Take the pictures.

Even when nothing particularly interesting is happening.

Take pictures of your friends, the places you visit, the food you make, and the random days that seem completely ordinary at the time.

It’s funny how you can look at an old picture and remember exactly what was happening that day.

Sometimes you even remember things you’d completely forgotten about.

I wish I had more pictures of certain moments.

Not because I want to go back, but because it’s nice having little reminders of a life you’ve lived.

Be nicer to yourself.

I wish you wouldn’t spend so much time questioning yourself.

You’re going to make mistakes. You’re going to say things you wish you hadn’t, make decisions that don’t work out, and occasionally look back and wonder what exactly you were thinking.

That’s part of it.

You don’t need to turn every mistake into a reason to be disappointed in yourself.

You can recognize that you could’ve handled something differently without spending the next year criticizing yourself over it.

I’m still learning this, too.

I think being 26 has made me realize that I don’t need to be perfect to be happy with myself.

I can like who I am and still have things I want to improve.

Both can be true.

Maybe I was running away.

When I started The Dead Edit, my first post was called Maybe I Was Running Away.

It’s interesting looking back at that title now.

I think about how much life can change between the moment you start telling your story and the moment you sit down to write the next part of it.

There are things I understand differently now. Things I care less about. Things I’ve become more certain of.

I don’t think growing up means you suddenly have an explanation for everything you’ve ever done.

Sometimes you look back and realize you were figuring things out as you went.

I still am.

The difference is that I feel more comfortable with that now.

I don’t need every decision to turn into some big life lesson. I don’t need every change to have a deeper meaning.

Sometimes I try something and love it. Sometimes I change my mind. Sometimes things work out differently than I expected, and I end up being perfectly happy with that.

I like that I’m still curious about what life has to offer.

I like that I haven’t stopped wanting to experience new things.

Most of all, I like that I’m becoming someone I genuinely enjoy being.

The funny thing about getting older

I used to think every birthday would feel like this huge transition.

Like I’d wake up and suddenly feel older, wiser, and more put together.

In reality, I woke up as myself.

Which I’m pretty happy about.

I still love books, pretty things, good food, and having a home that feels comfortable. I still get excited about little plans and new experiences. I still have things I’m working on and habits I’d like to change.

I still don’t particularly enjoy when plans change at the last minute.

Some things are apparently here to stay.

I don’t think getting older has to mean becoming a completely different person.

Sometimes it’s just becoming more comfortable with the person you’ve always been.

Learning what you like. Being more confident in your decisions. Spending less time worrying about things that don’t actually matter to you.

I think I’ve grown a lot over the last few years.

Not in some dramatic, everything-is-different kind of way.

Just in the little ways you notice when you look back and realize you would’ve handled something completely differently a few years ago.

I like that.

So, hey, 26.

I don’t have 26 goals for my 26th year.

That sounds like a lot of pressure, and I’d rather enjoy my birthday than give myself an assignment.

I do have a few things I want to focus on, though.

For starters, I want to keep working on myself.

Not because I don’t like who I am right now, because I do. I just know there are things I can continue getting better at. I want to keep learning, growing, becoming more confident in myself, and figuring out what makes me genuinely happy.

I want to say yes to the things I actually want to do.

Even if they’re new, even if I’m a little nervous, and even if I don’t know exactly how they’ll turn out.

I don’t want to look back and realize I talked myself out of experiences I would’ve loved because I was too busy overthinking them.

At the same time, I want to get more comfortable saying no.

No to things I don’t want to do. No to situations that don’t bring me peace or happiness. No to feeling obligated to give my time and energy to something just because someone else expects me to.

I think there’s a difference between being open to new experiences and constantly agreeing to things that don’t feel right for you.

I want to get better at recognizing that difference.

I also want to keep my head up.

Not every day is going to be a good one. Things aren’t always going to go according to plan, and I’m sure there will be moments when I question myself.

I just don’t want to let those moments discourage me from everything else I have going for me.

Most importantly, I want to stop worrying so much about what other people might think of me.

I want to wear what I like, do what I enjoy, go after the things I want, and be myself without wondering how it’s going to look to someone else.

It’s my life, after all.

I’d rather spend my time actually enjoying it than worrying about whether everyone approves.

Of course, I still want to keep writing, travel more, try new things, and make memories with people I love.

I want to keep creating a life that feels good to me, even if it doesn’t look exactly how I imagined it would when I was younger.

Mostly, I want to actually enjoy being 26.

I don’t want to spend this entire year worrying about 27 or 30 or some imaginary age when I’m supposed to have everything figured out.

I want to enjoy the life I’m living while I’m living it.

The good days, the ordinary ones, the spontaneous plans, the new favorite books, the meals that turn out really well, and the moments I won’t realize were special until much later.

I think younger me would be happy to know that we’re doing okay.

Maybe life doesn’t look exactly how she pictured it.

Maybe some things took longer than expected, and other things happened that she never would’ve imagined.

I think she’d like who we’ve become, though.

I know I do.

Here’s to another year of working on myself, saying yes when I want to, saying no when I need to, and not letting other people’s opinions take up so much space in my head.

Here’s to keeping my head up, enjoying what I have, and being excited about everything that’s still ahead.

Happy 26th birthday to me.

With love,

Aurora